It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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