Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
