My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
