We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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