Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
