i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
