just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
