it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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