so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
