watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want her autograph on my taint
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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