I need to stop coming to work sober
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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