you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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