I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
