God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my shit smells like andre
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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