Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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