In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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