woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
