I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
