The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
