i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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