I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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