____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
