i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
