Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize