I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize