Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
