dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
