ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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