Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
