The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
