The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
