the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
