I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
