drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Mom said you looked used
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
