Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
