I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
