I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
