I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
