I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
