When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Welp...herpes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
