I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize