Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
