yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
