could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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