What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think my fart just growled at me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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