lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
