i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
