My underwear smells like fireworks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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