I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize