please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
