I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
