Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
