if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
