she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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