That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
