i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
