ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
