Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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