I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
