When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
