He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
