Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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