it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
