There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
