I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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