it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
