I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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