I'm so fucking centered right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
