You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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