I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i believe in u and ur pee
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